It demeans a person who has suffered the ravages of stress-related diseases from working under the thumb of a controlling, devious, humiliating perpetrator or perpetrators to be told to simply “move on,” “get past it.” or “let it go.” This traditional form of advice implies an impatience by the advice giver with the plight of the bullied individual. Who cares if it is difficult for them to watch the suffering? The “move on” is often preceded by “just.” To them, moving on is as easy as they make it sound.

If escaping the situation was that simple, more targets would have done it and done it early in the process. Barriers to escape tend to prolong the target’s misery. It’s the frequency of bullying incidents and prolonged duration spanning months that causes health harm. Further, one of the major health impacts is impairment of decision-making processes due to atrophy of specific regions in the brain that no longer function optimally. That is, the stressed brain can prevent the target from becoming aware of escape options, and render execution of the strategies nearly impossible.

It’s not that targets don’t want to end the bullying chapter in their lives, they most often cannot.

So, let’s put aside the issue of timing for the bullying to end. More important is the fact that a post-bullying chapter will need to be written in the lives of every target.

Grieving will need to be confronted head on. After all, much more than income was lost. With luck, targets emerge with their self-identity intact. Truthfully, identities are shattered, especially because too many people over-invest their identities in their job titles. When the title is unceremoniously stripped away, people feel lost. But there was a fully formed person before that job. There needs to be one after that job. There’s also grief associated with the loss of friends from work, too. These issues may best be dealt with by consulting a mental health professional.

There is great hope for post-traumatic growth, a healing. Research shows that the best predictor of success in moving to the next phase is a deep desire to LIVE. That is, despair is pushed aside. Former targets who are committed to live, to not resign themselves to helplessness succeed.

The post-bullying phase should be approached with an optimism that something new is possible. After grief has been addressed in a healthy way, the next major task is to create a new “narrative.” You know, if too few people in that last job knew why you left, or were disappeared, it’s likely that the bully was the oral historian telling lies about you. That’s an example of a narrative not defined by you.

It is imperative that you reclaim control over your fate. Two questions to answer: (1) who are you (with all the implications of being changed in minor or major ways — this is hard remedial identity work separate from any job title), and (2) what are your talents and in what way can they be maximized (broader than a narrow business plan, this is your strategy to help you achieve the most you can do, in terms of variables you define as important, not just income). Many targets decide to not ever work for another employer. But starting a new business has its own challenges, different to be sure, but difficult nevertheless.

Here’s where positivity is essential. You will be moving toward your new future. Contrast that with moving on which ends with escape and no plans. And letting it go is a life-long pursuit, given the likelihood that trauma can return if emotional triggers remain in your life.

Moving to your new future with your now wiser, stronger, more self-sufficient identity puts you on a path toward sustainable health and success (however you choose to define success — have you ever consider happiness a goal?). The “benefit” from having been bullied is that your world view is now more realistic.

You must learn from the horrific experience. You might not yet be able to stop assaults from future bullies, but you will not remain in harm’s way again. And you might just push that employer into doing what is right to do. You now have an intolerance of organizational politics that targets good workers like you.

So, you see the task ahead is to move to the light out from the darkness. It will be incredibly liberating. Good luck.

To get ideas about what everyone can do to celebrate Freedom Week, go here.

For individuals bullied at work, learn the predictable stages of the workplace bullying experience.

Our books – for bullied targets and their families, and for employers wanting to tackle, not ignore, workplace bullying.